last days

For the past few weeks, I've kind of been "done" with school. It's been sort of like living life in a holding pattern-- you've "arrived" at your destination, you can SEE it, but you aren't actually there. You're just hanging out, flying in meaningless circles (triangles?), waiting until someone says, "ok, you can land now." Except in this case, I've been waiting for someone to say, "school is over now."

Except this week, I've sort of broken the tradition position of, "how many more days?" I haven't been teaching anything, or even attempting to teach. I'm done, remember? Instead, we've been playing educational games and cleaning out the room. I'm playing games with my kids, and watching semi-educational movies- you know, the kind that are based on literature we've read or have a good message. I've been spending time with my kids, just talking to them about what they want out of life.

I've also told them that I'm not coming back to our school next year, and have been fielding questions/trying to explain to them that I'm NOT leaving because of them.

But what I'm realizing is that I should have done this a long time ago. I should have spent a lot more time enjoying my kids' company, getting to know them as people and not just students, and listening to the things they really care about. Because basically, my kids are pretty amazing (and hilarious) people.

Today, at the end of the day, I got permission to walk to Barnes and Noble with one of my students. I wanted to take her to Barnes and Noble so I could help her pick out a math workbook to review over the summer. Over coffee (and a Pepsi), she told me that she was thinking last night about all of the times she's yelled at me or not followed directions or been rude or whatever . . . and how amazed she is that I'm still there, trying to help her.

I don't flatter myself by claiming to have changed someone's life, but I really do hope that my perseverance has had some sort of impact next year. Honestly, if one kid pays a little more attention next year and takes her education a little more seriously, this whole year was worth it for me.

And hopefully, in September, I'll remember to listen to my kids and enjoy hanging out with them from the beginning of the year, instead of waiting until June.